I’m Beginning to Hate Caution Tape

Do you subscribe to the philosophy, “Ignorance is Bliss” or “Knowledge is Power”? When I was younger, I would have professed the latter. But now, as I am inundated with loads of information that make me question everything I do – from washing my hair to driving an SUV, I wonder if bliss can be had when one is wrapped in endless amounts of caution tape.

Some days I feel as though my every action could lead to cancer or my certain death. Like eating Goldfish crackers, for example. Apparently these processed little niblets are spawned from Satan. Who knew? And my beloved tea, which has comforted me on many a chilly morning, is riddled with pesticides that are going to turn me into a super bug complete with antennae and a billion legs. I can see the headline now, “Teabag Bug Kills Millions by Brewing for More Than Two Minutes” – news at eleven.

Ok, so I’m being a bit sarcastic today. I do believe that, for the most part, information is good and can create positive change. I also agree that the major corporations are so bottom line driven that the risks often outweigh the benefits when they are deciding to pull the trigger on a product. And I also applaud those who are working tirelessly to make the world a better place.

But sometimes, quite frankly, I want to live in a cave with no wi-fi reception. Why? Because all of this information makes an impression on me. I’m not one of those that can just blow off GMO’s, pesticides, artificial preservatives, dyes, global warming, pollution, and the like with a flip of my hand. Peshaw! And this information is ruining my day. I’m obsessed with labels, see death for my children at every turn, and have convinced myself that I’m going to get cancer from, well, everything.

The other thing I struggle with is the flip-flopping. Oatmeal will lower your cholesterol. Whoops, nope, just kidding. Wait, oh yes, another study has validated the original information. Hold on though, another study has just contradicted that one. And so on. GMO’s grow better crops and are pesticide resistant! But the bugs have adapted. My bad. Ping-pong, I say this, you say that, and now I have a headache for which I cannot take anything for fear of a blood clot.

I apologize if I seem flippant. Really, I believe we have just over-complicated everything to the point of never being able to reach clarity again. So I guess what I really want to hear and read is that I can take off the caution tape and start shampooing my hair without fear of repercussions. I want to live in a world where knowledge is provided, but not broadcasted straight down my throat as the next best cleanse. Where we don’t start tuning out every piece of news because it all starts to sound like Charlie Brown’s parents. A time in which I can breathe easy with knowledge as my guide, not as my noose.

Well, now I’m going to go have some tea and Goldfish crackers. Suicide you say? I’ll take the chance, because the last time I checked, I’m going to die of something and I’d rather it not be strangulation by caution tape.




About crudolphbarlow

My goal in life is to bring smiles to millions of children through my writing and interactions with every child I meet - including my own. I'd also like to teach adults that kindness and respect are not options, but are must-have tools for a well-lived life. I am, and always will be, an eternal optimist. Peace! View all posts by crudolphbarlow

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